Welcome to the BRAG’s weekly rundown of what’s hot in the coming seven days of cinematic releases. Our first film may be typical white tears material, but it’s otherwise a diverse and broadly representative week for the big screen.

OK, it’s not that big a week for women, which is a shame. But still, Ghostbusters! And this is a big release lineup, with seven new films hitting the screens, so y’all are getting a bonus film in this rundown. (Honourable mention to Early Winter for not quite making the cut. I got shit to do.)

A HOLOGRAM FOR THE KING

RT: 69%

AKA Sad White Male goes to exotic place for life makeover. This is pre-Arab Spring, of course, so don’t expect anything in the way of cogent political discourse here. This is the story of a privileged salesman losing his wife and house during the recession, then travelling to a place of equal privilege (at least for men of his standing) to find himself (and a new woman).

Ugh. I just can’t bring myself to care about this man, even if he does have Tom Hanks‘ face, and especially not in the context of this dull culture-clash narrative. Why are we still expected to love corporate figures whose own excesses led to their downfalls, and the collapse of the entire American economy?

On the plus side, Tom Twyker (of Run Lola Run, Sense8 and Cloud Atlas fame) is attached as writer/director, so at least a distinct visual style can be expected, even if Twyker’s history with adaptations has been hit-and-miss.

tl;dr Will this white man finally bring some decency to a savage land?

EMBRACE OF THE SERPENT

RT: 98% (No consensus)

Now THAT’S more like it! Ciro Guerra‘s monochrome masterpiece sees two Western men, arriving in the Amazon 30 years apart, inexorably bound to the same shaman named Karamakate (played by Nilbio Torres and Antonio Bolívar, young and old respectively).

Both men – Theo (Jan Bijvoet) and Evan (Brionne Davis) – are searching for yakruna, a plant said to cure all forms of malady. Karamakate is convinced to aid them on their quests, and through their eyes we see the devastating effects of colonialism on the native peoples of Colombia.

It got pipped at the post for the 2016 Foreign Language Film Academy Award by Son Of Saul, but that in and of itself is high praise. Out of respect for that alone, I won’t use the Werner Herzog gif again. Even though you know you want it.

tl;dr We all find ourselves in the jungle.

JASON BOURNE

RT: 66% (No consensus)

Nine years on, the real Bourne is back, baby – Matt Damon and writer/director Paul Greengrass have taken the franchise back from Jeremy Renner and co., with Bourne’s shattered memories now completely repaired. It picks up this week’s gong for Boring Reboot Title by default.

The erstwhile assassin brings with him a huge array of A-listers including Tommy Lee Jones, Alicia Vikander and Vincent Cassel, as well as the return of series regular Nicky Parsons (Julia Stiles). It’s everything you’d expect from Greengrass-era Bourne: staring competitions, big ol’ gunfights, international intrigue, chase sequences par excellence, and enough shaky cam to make an astronaut sick.

How well the Bourne saga plays out without our hero(?)’s latent amnesia is yet to be seen, as the intrigues of his past and the moral conundrums arising from them always drove the drama. Greengrass is the man – let’s hope his memory doesn’t fail him.

tl;dr Maybe Jason should start taking some of his own advice. Get some rest, Damon –

WEINER

RT: 96%

As the great golden age for documentary continues, mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner takes the spotlight for all the wrong reasons. Weiner stepped down from Congress after tweeting dick pics that distracted from his firebrand politics, thus stoking the flames of every joke made about his name. He then made the predictably regrettable choice to run for public office yet again.

Get ready for acute cringe factor as Weiner utterly fails to recognise any situation in which he should keep his mouth shut. He’s a fascinating character study, in that his politics hit all the right notes and run entirely contrary to his public persona. He’s also an absolute blessing to anyone coming up with news headlines to spice up the politics page.

Documentary is all about being in the right place at the right time: namely, being present for someone else’s catastrophic misfortune. If Tickled didn’t provide the distinct discomfort you crave, then brace yourself for Weiner. (Glad they didn’t release in the same week as Sausage Party.)

tl;dr These are the dangers of going off half-cocked.

DOUGH

RT: 61% (No consensus)

Well now, this seems like rather familiar territory. It’s another whacky comedy about the harmless, unifying properties of good ol’ Astro Turf. It might lack the punch of Weeds given that marijuana is now legal in large across the United States, but any story about unity between disparate people is A-OK by me.

Nat (Game Of Thrones‘ Jonathan Pryce) has run his tiny bakery for years, but sales are steadily decreasing and things look grim. That is, until the Jewish baker picks up an apprentice, Ayyash (Jerome Holder), a young Sudanese Muslim, who has some novel ideas about how to increase the bakery’s sales and peddle his own wares at the same time.

It’s all made with the best intentions, and Pryce’s time as the High Sparrow has shown his great depth and sincerity. But Sheila O’Malley said it best – “criticizing it feels like criticizing a poorly-written personal essay by an earnest middle-schooler”. Hey, you can’t fault the heart of it.

tl;dr Time for the next episode.

BARBERSHOP 3: THE NEXT CUT

RT: 90%

Another franchise back from the dead! And this one’s been on ice (hehe) longer than Bourne. It’s been 12 years since Ice Cube, Cedric The Entertainer, Sean Patrick Thomas and Eve last opened shop, and this time they’re being joined by Nicki Minaj as a women’s stylist who is an integral part of the Barbershop’s expansion.

I was ready to write this one off as another unnecessary sequel, but more fool me. Barbershop as a franchise is beloved, not least for the sense of community it fosters. Consider the number of African-American performers it puts on the big screen – there’s no token character here, this movie is by black people, about black people. And it’s for everyone.

Cube has his finger on the pulse of America, and so #BlackLivesMatter and everything around it is an integral part of The Next Cut‘s makeup. This is the kind of comedy the world needs – relevant, thought-provoking, warm and still thigh-slappingly funny.

tl;dr More family-friendly Cube, proving once and for all that in N.W.A, the A stands for Accessibility. (Bonus gif because damn this is amazing.)

And now for THE VERDICT – maybe you only get to see one of these flicks on the big screen, and you don’t wanna waste that night out. So, drum roll please…

OK, look, it’s hands down Embrace Of The Serpent. It just looks so damn good. But some of you get all fussy when I pitch you black-and-white arthouse foreign language cinema. Weiner definitely has the goods, but you know my bias towards great documentary. So I’m going to step outside the predictable and send you to the film that may speak the most to the way we want the world to be. Go see Barbershop 3: The Next Cut.

Until next week!

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