It’s Christmas time again, and each year it seems another handful of artists take a stab at releasing holiday-themed albums and songs. From Bob Dylan and James Brown to Weezer and Cee Lo Green, there’s always a fine line between the entertaining and the terrible.
Luckily, in 2006, ’80s hair metal band Twisted Sister helped us find the rough location of the bottom of the barrel with the release of A Twisted Christmas, a 11-song Christmas album with a “heavy metal edge”.
The crown jewel of awful on this album is the closing track ‘Heavy Metal Christmas’ described by singer Dee Snider as “Twisted Sister’s interpretation of the traditional Christmas song ‘Twelve Days of Christmas'”.
‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ already suffers the curse of being way too long and way too repetitive for even the most festive of listeners. Twisted Sister have taken the liberty to add in solos at every available opportunity, and their own lyrics going through every heavy metal stereotype they could think of.
Just to be clear, if you lived with frontman Dee Snider, here’s what you might be getting for Christmas this year:
Twelve silver crosses
Eleven black mascaras
Ten pairs of platforms
Nine tattered t-shirts
Eight pentagrams
Seven leather jackets
Six cans of hairspray
Five skull earrings
Four quarts of Jack
Three studded belts
Two pairs of spandex pants
And a tattoo of Ozzy…
Enjoy the song in all its glory below. Merry Christmas.
